Guess I’ll just get right to it.  Before I do, I want to congratulate June for winning the $5 Gift Card in the Howloween BlogHop.  Thanks to those who commented. 

The truth is…

…Almost three years ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.  I can still remember the exact thing I was doing when we got the news.  She had driven herself to the hospital and called me at work to tell me that she thought she had pnemonia.  I left work to be with her.  The next day, after the doctors extracted almost 2 liters of fluid from her lungs and tested the fluid, we received the horrifying news.  Then the doctors gave us a one to two year prognosis.

…I tried, in spite of everything, to keep it together.  Even now, almost three years later, I’m still trying.

…My book was published.  And my mom got the chance to read it.  She actually read my words in paperback.  She bragged about me to her friends, she showed up for everything I did to celebrate this achievement.

…At the end of summer, my mother was told that the cancer had travelled to her brain.  My mother was an educator for over 30 years.  She valued education above all else.  She was blessed to do what she loved until she retired.  Such a blessing.  And I still tried to keep it together.

…Last month, the doctors gave us the grim news that ‘they’d done all they could do’.  I dreaded the day those words would come.  As a planner, it’s really hard for me not to have a plan.  And so I tried to keep it together.

…I have faith.  Strong faith in God.  I know that God wouldn’t put more on me than I can bear.  I know God does not make mistakes.  And I know this because my mother raised me.  And she has this strong faith…this out the box faith.  And I’m trying but…

…I go to work.  I take care of my children.  I still try to put a smile on my face when I’m talking to my friends/family.  I still try to encourage others. 

But the truth is…I feel like a mess.  My mind is hazy, my body won’t move, my thoughts run a mile a minute.  I can’t write, I can’t read.  Some days the only thing I can muster up the energy to do is play Phase 10 against the computer, do word searches, hit ‘like’ on every comment I see on Facebook, or watch TV…and pray.  This is my mother.  BUT I’m still trying because I have no other choice.  I’m still pushing because that’s what I’m supposed to do. That’s what my mother still does every morning, and she won’t stop.  So I can’t stop.  I suppose I’ll be able to read a whole book one day soon.. or get 5,000 words on paper… or update this blog more than once a month.  Maybe I’ll even finish that work in progress.  One day.    That’s my truth. 

Congrats to June on winning the $5 Amazon Gift Card!